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No longer a child !

02 Sep

Dear father,

I am not writing to ask about you, as I know you are safe where you are!

Neither am I writing to tell you how much tired my mum has been since you have gone!

I’m just writing because I need to talk with you, to tell you how badly I miss you..

I know the words of my letter will never be lightened by your sight. They can never be held by your kind hands, just like my other letters. I know they are all beyond the postman experience!

I wonder if you miss us, if you can hear me when I talk to you every night before sleeping!

I can feel your palm wipes my tears every night. I can see you wherever I look. I still can hear you clapping for me when I sang a full-of-mistakes song!

Daddy, I have never sung since you have gone!

You were asking me “how was your Eid” after every Eid. To tell you, this Eid, I didn’t enjoy the swings, while I was rushing with my siblings to have a turn on that big high swing in our narrow overcrowded street. I didn’t like the sweets as every Eid. I didn’t buy new clothes even.

My mother bought (Ali) new t-shirt and trousers, as he is the youngest and will like to have some, but daddy can you believe? Ali refused to wear them. He suddenly burst into tears and said, “ if baba is not going to give me (edeia), why should I wear new clothes?”!!

Ali has never liked guns and pistols. You know he used to be a very peaceful young boy. But can you imagine? The only toy he bought this Eid was a gun!!!

He once asked my mother, “Where is baba?” She replied, “In Paradise”

He does not know what the word “Paradise” means. He went to his room for some time, and came back to mum. Ali asked, “Mum, where is paradise?”

“In the sky” mum said.

That day, Ali kept looking at the sky endlessly. My mother asked, “what’s up Ali?”

He said, “I want to see daddy, he must appear”!!!

I was asking all the time, and sometimes your answer was, “I’ll till you when you grow up”

Once a talking, you told me, “When you grow up, I will buy you a cell phone”

“When you grow up, you will be a beautiful bride!”

I was asking my self, how can I grow up more quickly? When will I become the grown-up that my father tells her every thing with no when-you-grow-up statement?

Daddy, I have never thought of something that will make me grow up 10 years or more in only one day! My grief of your loss has made me that grown-up you told me about!

I am no longer a child; I started to understand many things you wanted to tell me when I grow up.

Daddy, I grew up, but you were not here!

 

I was asking my mother every morning, “whom you made the second cup for?” and she was not answering.

My mother is still making two cups of coffee every morning, but I stopped asking her!

 

I’m sure I’ll write for you again just like what I do every night, and I’m sure that you know every thing without reading my letters.

I love you Daddy..

 

by: Ruba Monzir
2/9/2011
8:40 pm

a letter from a martyr’s daughter to her father …

 
16 Comments

Posted by on September 2, 2011 in Being a Gazan

 

16 responses to “No longer a child !

  1. amal A.H

    September 2, 2011 at 9:41 pm

    I wonder if you miss us, if you can hear me when I talk to you every night before sleeping!
    😦 :”(

     
  2. Abrar Falasteen

    September 2, 2011 at 11:21 pm

    Ya Allah, instant tears from my heart, may Allah be with you sister xxx

     
  3. jess arguillas

    September 2, 2011 at 11:58 pm

    “wonder if you miss us, if you can hear me when I talk to you every night before sleeping!” holding back my tears. simple, brief, direct to the point and very strong.! permission to share this please. thanks.

     
  4. Ruba Monzir

    September 3, 2011 at 8:54 am

    Amal : welcome dear ..

     
  5. Ruba Monzir

    September 3, 2011 at 8:56 am

    Abrar: welcome dear , it’s not my own story, but other Palestinian children whom fathers were killed by Israel ,, thanks for being here🙂

     
  6. Ruba Monzir

    September 3, 2011 at 8:56 am

    Jess : welcome , yes of course you can share it , and many thanks🙂

     
  7. нáммàм (@HammamAlagha)

    September 3, 2011 at 5:57 pm

    I can feel your palm wipes my tears every night. I can see you wherever I look. I still can hear you clapping for me when I sang a full-of-mistakes song!

    Daddy, I have never sung since you have gone!

    Ya Allah! What a words… Strong and Deep in meaning and the effect.
    You reminds me of somethings this Eid! How actually i spent it without my Great father. Frankly yeaah He’s gone, But he always here..❤

    He's not a martyr! But i don't think there's a different between him and the Martyr!
    He's my father, and he struggled for us, Lived for us, Died for us! In the sky between Allah mercy watching us!

    Thanks Ruba for sharing this Post, Actually i can feel of my tears coverin my face!
    I luvit! 7elwa kteeeer,Your way in writing is Impressive, I think there's something inside me Missin' ur words since last time. and now i took my dose ;')
    Ruba! What a wonderful expression you have? Je t'adore what inside you from a feelings and Pure words.. that's my secret since Now.

    Update me with ur news,, with ur posts! Keep doing what you are Great at!
    Best wishes,

    Hammam M. Alagha!
    Cairo, Sat. 7:56 pm | 3.09.2011

     
  8. Ruba Monzir

    September 3, 2011 at 7:03 pm

    welcome Hammam, I’m sorry to hear about your loss😦

    of course I will update you with all what I write. you can subscribe to the blog also so that you will be emailed with every new writing.

    you are encouraging me a lot, thanks a million.
    my writing is nothing until it is read by such concerned people like you..

    I’m honored by your presence
    thank you ..

     
  9. sana

    September 3, 2011 at 7:15 pm

    ربى كنت هنا ..مررت وفقدتني بين أسطرك ..ربى فخورة بك..لأسباب يصعب حصرها

    سناء

     
  10. Ruba Monzir

    September 3, 2011 at 7:20 pm

    ياااه .. سناء ؟؟
    لو رأيتِني لحظة قراءة تعليقك لشعرتِ كم سعدتُ بمروركِ من هنا ..
    لا شيءَ يمكن أن يمنحني دافعاً قوياً ككلماتكِ القليلة هذه !
    ثم :
    فخورةٌ بك أيضاً يا غالية🙂

     
  11. Ibrahim shurrab

    September 4, 2011 at 8:06 am

    What u’ve written is really amazing🙂

    May God bless ur father, and all his brothers who’ve been killed by these terrorist Zionists.
    Though you have to smile, cause ur father is in paradise now ^_^ fe 3elleyyeeen ma3 al shohada2 wa al sale7een

    Allahoma nas2aloka 7ayata al sal7een wa mawta al shohada2

    Be strong, don’t panic and look to your future that ur father will be proud of🙂

     
  12. Ruba Monzir

    September 4, 2011 at 4:44 pm

    Ibrahim :
    welcome brother,
    it’s not my own story, but other Palestinian children whom fathers were killed by Israel,
    and yes exactly as you said , we have to be strong ..

    thank you for reading and your nice comment😉

     
  13. وجع البنفسج

    September 10, 2011 at 4:37 pm

    ماشاء الله ،جميلة جدا ، استمتعت بالقراءة كثيرا

    سعيدة بمروري هنا وان شاء الله من المتابعين لكل جديد

    تقبلي خالص تحيتي وتقديري .

     
    • Ruba Monzir

      September 11, 2011 at 1:02 pm

      وجع البنفسج :
      أهلا بك ، سعيدة بوجودك وردك ,, شكرا لك يا جميلة ..
      بالتأكيد أتشرف بمتابعتك🙂

       

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