May is the cruelest month ..!
Since 20 years, May has been coming annually, resurrecting all the memories of grief and melancholy. May can not be a normal month for all of the Palestinians. It is the month when their land was stolen, when their sons and beloved ones were massacred, and when their long misty journey through darkness has started..!
It was not my choice to be born in this gloomy month, and it was the cruelest month to be a starting point of a child’s life. A child that is going to be strongly attached to that month with all what it carries of sadness till the end of his life.
There were 20 Mays in my life. 20 years of holding Palestine in my heart, and being deeply entrenched in my soul. 20 years , my age is hers, and her age is mine ! 20 years, her grief is my grief, and her sand grains are my heartbeats! I am as old as her sadness, but she is as young as my soul and hope. Palestine, by this May, you are 20, and I am 63 !
May keeps coming every year, to recolor my face with the flag colors, and to remind me that I have never seen something from Jerusalem except that flag which they are trying to uproot. It keeps coming every year to sadden me when hearing the National Anthem sung by the school kids every morning “Beladi Beladi”. It is such another kind of suffocation and bitterness; however, it is another way also of keeping hope and identity. May has come this year also, to deepen the wounding and make them 63 years. When will the counting stop?
May you stop holding the memory of pains and blood? may you free yourself from that heavy load you have been carrying for 63 years? When will you stop counting our pains? And how many times you want to return to us with sore memories to feel that we have grown up hundreds of years?
When will I feel that you are a happy “birth month” for me? Only a birth month that brings me gifts, some candles, and a cake, not a painful memory of darkness..! When will this “Bitter Birthday” become “Better”??…! and when will I feel that it is a real “happy Birthday” ?!!!
Please May, when will you come back to me with one memory only?