Monthly Archives: May 2011

May not April !

May is the cruelest month ..!

Since 20 years, May has been coming annually, resurrecting all the memories of grief and melancholy. May can not be a normal month for all of the Palestinians. It is the month when their land was stolen, when their sons and beloved ones were massacred, and when their long misty journey through darkness has started..!

It was not my choice to be born in this gloomy month, and it was the cruelest month to be a starting point of a child’s life. A child that is going to be strongly attached to that month with all what it carries of sadness till the end of his life.

There were 20 Mays in my life. 20 years of holding Palestine in my heart, and being deeply entrenched in my soul. 20 years , my age is hers, and her age is mine ! 20 years, her grief is my grief, and her sand grains are my heartbeats! I am as old as her sadness, but she is as young as my soul and hope. Palestine, by this May, you are 20, and I am 63 !

May keeps coming every year, to recolor my face with the flag colors, and to remind me that I have never seen something from Jerusalem except that flag which they are trying to uproot. It keeps coming every year to sadden me when hearing the National Anthem sung by the school kids every morning “Beladi Beladi”. It is such another kind of suffocation and bitterness; however, it is another way also of keeping hope and identity. May has come this year also, to deepen the wounding and make them 63 years. When will the counting stop?

Please May,

May you stop holding the memory of pains and blood? may you free yourself from that heavy load you have been carrying for 63 years? When will you stop counting our pains? And how many times you want to return to us with sore memories to feel that we have grown up hundreds of years?

When will I feel that you are a happy “birth month” for me? Only a birth month that brings me gifts, some candles, and a cake, not a painful memory of darkness..! When will this “Bitter Birthday” become “Better”??…! and when will I feel that it is a real “happy Birthday” ?!!!

Please May, when will you come back to me with one memory only?


Posted by on May 28, 2011 in On the Margin, Snapshots ..!


Sorry, George Orwell !

2+2=4, we can say 4 freely. In the face of anyone, no matter who this one is, and whatever his work is, we can say loudly, “two plus two equals FOUR

Since 1948 or 1984 till 2011, every thing is the same, but the point is that we have become no longer passive!

Big Brother is watching us, but we are demonstrating in his face in millions without any sign of fear, to expel him out of our “Oceania”. His thought police has no work anymore, as we are not thinking secretly. Everything is crystal clear in front of the whole world, and no one can prevent us from thinking and even having actions depending on our thoughts!

His telescreens are no longer switched on. We have “extinguished” them forever, and replaced them by other clean ones, making the whole world witnessing our freedom on.

Who controls the past controls the future, and who controls the present controls the past”. No one has ever managed to control our past, so that we are controlling our present now,  controlling our high spirits, our strong will and determination to change, our unity, and our countries. We are the ones who control everything, even Big Brother and his party ; therefore, our future will be ours.

Sorry Orwell. We also have many of “room 101”. But we are ready to be vaporized till the last breath of our lives but not to give up! Officers were taking “our children, wives, and cutting their throats in front of our eyes”, then taking us to room 101, but we still don’t love Big Brother. We still are shouting in the streets that we hate him and his regime!

We have met in “places where there is no darkness” for years. However, we have finally overcome their light to enjoy the darkness of our freedom which is the real place where there is no darkness!

Sorry Orwell! We are not Winstons or Julias anymore! “the struggle was finished” but our struggle has just begun, we won the victory over Big Brother. And do you know? we have established the real Ministries of Love, Truth, and Peace as well.

BUT ,I guess if you were alive, you would be very pleased to witness what had happened ..!

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Posted by on May 20, 2011 in Snapshots ..!


Gaza…The True Image


 Female Student council of Islamic university of Gaza IUG held Wednesday 4 May 2011 a festival  entitled  ” Gaza… The true image ” . The festival , which represented the idea of the female student council , was the first ever one to be held in English tongue in the besieged Gaza .

It included a short speech delivered by Dr. Kamaleen Shaat , the president of  IUG, who spoke  about the activities of the student council expressing his gladness to get such festivals, that presents creativity of the university students .
Shaat added that such fiesta , which included  other categories of the external society referring to the little girls who performed the Pantomime show,  is unique .
A short supporting video was presented  by students of Goldsmith university .  Assistant of vice president for external affairs , Dr.Nazmi Almassri ,  delivered  a short speech pointing out that  cooperation between the student council of IUG with other unions of the universities of London ,specially Goldsmith university,  confirms strong determination of
Gazan students ,who live  difficult circumstances .
The female student council presented some expressing artistic activities such as songs, poetry and dazzling pantomime show, that showed suffering of Palestinian children and their correspondingly strong determination.
Moreover, Nathe Stothe, a friend of Vottorio Arigoni ,delivered a short speech talking about him on behalf of all his friends, many of whom were invited to the festival. Arrigoni’s friends were got to the stage and  honored for their attending the festival and  for their honorable efforts to help the Palestinian people
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Posted by on May 17, 2011 in Snapshots ..!


An age of darkness

63 years ago, He shouted loudly “let your cooking and come quickly, it’s only an hour and we will come back!”

Nobody has thought even for a second that this hour might extend to become 63 years of displacement and waiting!

It was the 15th of May, but it was raining! Raining nothing but fire, flooding with nothing but blood! And they all were stumbling over nothing but corpses of their beloved ones!

No time to look down and see if it was a rock or something else, and no time even to touch their faces to identify what was that hot liquid on their cheeks, water, Tears? They knew finally that it was someone’s blood!

He tried hardly after 50 years to hold his pen and write his autobiography, as one of his sons asked him saying, “You are a witness, you know a lot about what had happened, you experienced the Nakba, please, write down all what you know”. He adds, “we all know, but others don’t”

His words kept repeating themselves in his father’s mind. He decided to write. He said “I will try”

The 75 years man didn’t know where to start from, “why shall I write? Why shall you make me live every single detail of those days again? Why shall I remember the smell of their blood? Why do you want me to bring all my painful memories back? Oh , what a killing work you want me to do!!”

he thought, how can a book sums up an age of darkness,  how may it include millions of corpses, liters of mother’s tears,  days and nights of shiver, an age of displacing and waiting! The old man just started to write, thinking of all of this at the same time, and asking himself, “would my memory tolerate this job till the end?”

he started to gather all things he used to keep, Photos, newspaper pieces, drawings of Naji El-Ali, and his family and village photos. He was gazing endlessly at the photos and feeling as if he were a bird. How the photos moved him at once to his town! Now, he could just see the homes of his town without being evoked by an Israeli soldier! He could enjoy wandering through the trees without being threatened! He could go wherever he wanted with no checkpoints! Oh photos, when will you stop killing us? When will you know that you are such a sharp dagger?

The old man went on writing every single detail as if it has just happened. Some times he got angry, some times sad, and many times he wanted to quit! He said, “Sorry dear, I can’t go on writing, this thing is killing me”. However, his son manages always to convince him continue the memories.

All of his grandchildren were reading what he wrote day by day. And he had to read for those who haven’t learned how to read yet before they went to sleep.

All of them wanted to know everything. The old man felt how much important this writing was. It was as essential as the breath, and as important as much painful it was!

He is now 88 years, but still talking with his husky voice about “before 63 years days” till those days are engraved in their hearts and memories.

63 years after, his grandchild opened the door suddenly and yelled, “pack our luggage quickly, don’t forget the key, we will come back”!

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Posted by on May 16, 2011 in Being a Gazan, Snapshots ..!


welcome to Gaza

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Posted by on May 13, 2011 in Being a Gazan


Being a Gazan (2)

After along day, we have finally arrived Mecca. The hotel was not that much bad, but at least it was not like the other hotels prepared for the passengers from other countries..

I was stung when I suddenly saw a sign on which was written ( Gaza Strip passengers, you should gather in the hotel main hall tomorrow at 11 am to get 500 SR. for each from Sheikh …….)

I just couldn’t understand why did he want to distribute his money to the Gazans only ! as if Saudi Arabia had no poor people, why might we need some money from him or any other person ?

When a Saudi woman knew we were from Gaza (at Cairo airport, in our way back) went away and then came back with 50 Euros asking us to buy whatever we want from the airport !!!

It was Cairo airport that refused to leave even one good thing about it in our memories !

Another Jordanian woman did the same at al-Haram !

Whatever, The point was that they just think that all what we want from them is some charity !

how much insulted I felt !

Some Saudi girls asked us where are we from, and when they knew we were from Gaza , they said immediately, “wooow, we are too much eager to pray at Al-Aqsa Mosque” ! As if being residents of Gaza means that we pray at it every day ! they were surprised to know that going to Saudi Arabia is too much  easier than going to Jerusalem, the thing which seems even impossible, and they were shocked to know that we have never seen Jerusalem but in photos !

How much ignorant they were! And how much upset I felt !

An Egyptian woman once said to me during a conversation about what had happened with us at Cairo Airport : “but excuse me, I love Husni Mubarak” I asked why? She replied: “because he takes after my father” .. What a silly reason and what a silly mind !

She added: “you mustn’t hate anyone, even if he was you enemy !” Oh my God! She does not see any reason for my hatred for Israel ! everything is going to be okay, but you should keep your heart pure from hatred !

I was extremely angry with her and just kept my words and turned my face the other side !

How much trivial she was, and how much provoked I felt !
once we were praying in al-Masjed Al-Haram, we met an English woman, we talked a little bit and she asked us “where are you from?” and when we answered: “from Gaza” , she yelled with frightened eyes : “scaaaaaaaaring” !!… I couldn’t understand where the scaring point was..!

I thought immediately of the “time bomb” !


Being a Gazan doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to tolerate all other silly minds !

Neither it means that you have to endure being insulted this way !

After all, being a Gazan means that you are a HUMAN, even if they don’t know, or try to pretend so.

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Posted by on May 11, 2011 in Being a Gazan


Being a Gazan (1)

  •  At Cairo Airport :

20 years have passed since I was born, but it seems that I have never known what does being a Gazan mean till I left Gaza in 24th July last year.

It was 4:30 AM when we left the home going to Rafah border. We had to wait for 5 hours till the border was opened and we were allowed to cross it .Anyway, it  was a long day, finished when we finally arrived Cairo airport at 1:30 AM the day after, putting in our minds that it is only one hour and a half waiting for the plane arrival ! However, those 90 minutes have become 14 hours..!

Being a Gazan means that you have to stay there for a period of time, without knowing how much long this period will be ! you should not be that so optimistic person to think that every thing will be okay, and it will be only 90 minutes ..!

Being a Gazan at Cairo airport means that you don’t have to ask about the exact time of the plane, or even if there will be a plane or not..!

It means that you will not be allowed to buy any thing to eat, to drink, or even to go to the toilet with no security man walking beside you, looking at you as if you were a time bomb that will blow itself up in the middle of the other passengers ..!

Yes, in Cairo airport, you are a time bomb ! you are a great danger that must be kept away from others for “security reasons”. I just wonder what could those “security reasons” be when dealing with some exhausted, hungry, and thirsty travelers and depriving them of having any thing to eat !
what could those “security reasons” be when dealing with old men and women having nothing to sit on but the floor. Or what could they be when dealing with some children who are prevented from going to the toilet!

Being a Gazan means that I have to see that helplessness and perplexity that I have never seen before in my father’s eyes, asking himself how could he bring us something to eat..!

My sister suddenly exploded with tears, as she was very hungry and tired. Finally, the security forces allowed us to buy some food, but sure, with being accompanied by a policeman..!

Being a Gazan in Cairo airport means that you should “practice your hobby” of demonstration even when you are a traveler, in order to have a plane! Anyway, it was effective !

It was a-fourteen-hour imprisonment , with no guilt, no lawyers, but with dozens of jailers spitting abuses on some helpless Gazans, just due to the security reason of being Gazans..!

Being a Gazan means that they will insult you to the level that makes you forget about something called dignity, or even humanity !

HOWEVER, being a Gazan also means that  whatever they do to insult you, you will never go down, and will keep your dignity!

Finally, the plane had arrived, and we were freed !

To be continued .. =)


Posted by on May 6, 2011 in Being a Gazan